The Guardian
by CherokeeRose713
Summary: **I do not own TWD or the characters therein.** This is a prequel to Push. I haven't decided how far to take it, yet. This is in Daryl's POV. (Rated M for language/gore/violence/etc.)
1. Chapter 1

"Kick off the heels, pussy. Put your back into it!"

His voice's strained. I told him we needed to make a ramp. He said there weren't no time for calculatin' angles an' measurin' shit out. Fuckin' prick. We'd kill ourselves liftin' the damn thing into the back of my truck. I wipe the sweat outta my eyes. Think 'bout that for a second. Guess it's a better way to die than havin' our flesh ripped from our bodies. I take a deep breath an' lift the ass end of that fuckin' bike up.

"That's it, right there. I fuckin' told you we could do that shit." I look up to see him standin' at the front of his motorcycle, his leg kicked up on the side of the bed, wipin' his face with that nasty old bandanna he kept. He's all red from the sun an' the labor. He reaches down an' pulls the whiskey from his bag, takin' a long swig 'fore offerin' it to me. I make to grab the bottle an' the bastard pulls it away just in time. Tilts his head back an' drinks it down to the label.

"You're such a fuckin' ass, Merle."

He laughs at me; pissin' me off's his favorite pastime. His free hand grips the side of the bed, swingin' his legs over an' jumpin' down. There's a loud crack as he twists his back side to side. He takes the bottle to his head again. I arch my own back an' feel relief when it cracks. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, tosses me the truck keys. I've always had good reflexes, had to with the upbringin' we got. So it shouldn't surprise him when my hand fists the keys before they can touch my face. Bastard.

"Alright, little brother. Get your ass in an' let's get outta this shit hole."

I climb into the cab. It smells like whiskey, tobacco an' leather in here. It roars to life when I turn the ignition. Merle smacks his hand down on the dash, stirrin' up the dirt.

"Woo! You hear that, boy? That there's the sound of our freedom!" His eyes are already glazed over, face still red. I look at the clock on the dash. It ain't even noon yet an' my brother's already lit. Gonna be a long fuckin' day. The tires kick up dirt an' rocks, an' I take one last look at that shack in my rear view mirror. If I could leave all the memories of my life back in the dust with that shack, it'd be a fuckin' miracle. I put my eyes back on the road ahead. I ain't one to believe in miracles.

"Lemme get one of them Reds off you, brother." We've driven all of thirty minutes an' he's already bummin' smokes off me. I shake my head, keepin' eyes up front.

"Naw. I'm down to half a pack." My body flinches slightly. Merle ain't ever been one to take no for an answer. He spits out the window, I see his face twist up outta the corner of my eye. Shit, he ain't gonna do nothin'. He ain't dumb enough to start a brawl over some fuckin' Marlboros while I'm drivin'.

"It's 'cause the whiskey? I don't give you a swig, you don't give me a smoke? That's cold, little brother." I glance quickly to his face, but don't hold it. Eye contact ain't somethin' I ever been comfortable with, even if it's my brother. He lets out a heavy sigh. "Look, I can't let you drink that shit right before you drive. You wrap this metal sumbitch 'round a tree, then what? We snuggle up together on my fuckin' bike? Not likely."

He's almost finished with the bottle. Any minute he'll start slurrin' his words. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holdin'. Dixons are fiends when it comes to the bottle, amongst other shit. I can't look at my brother when he gets like this. He looks too much like the bastard that lead him to the problem in the first place.

I try so fuckin' hard to keep my lips off the mouth of a bottle. But a weakness for self-indulgence flows through my blood. I don't like me when I drink. Merle's an ass, but I'm a monster. A shadow of the man who made me who I am today. I once slammed a guy's face into a bar for knockin' over my shot. It'd been an accident, but I saw red. Merle had pulled me off the poor bastard. It was hazy, but I remember the blood flowin' down his lips, past his chin. Broken nose, busted mouth. Merle had told me it was the proudest day of his life watchin' me fuck that guy's face up. I don't know how I feel 'bout that.

I don't like the man I am. Never have. I don't think I even liked me as a fuckin' kid. I often wondered why I was even put on this earth. It felt like a sick joke, an' I was the only one who didn't find it funny. Well, not the only one. A gritty memory of my mama's face flashes through me. But I shove that down beneath my walls. I can't let the past haunt me no more. The fucked up world that molded me just got a whole lot worst. I ain't ever thought that was possible. Not 'til I saw dead bodies rippin' people apart.

"Damn. Worst part of the apocalypse is ain't no fuckin' radio." He pops open the glove box an' pulls out some CDs. They ain't in cases, so they're probably scratched to shit. I ain't ever really been one to like music too much, anyways. He looks at one an' barks out a laugh. "Holy shit. Looky what we've got here. '_To Daryl, From Layla_'. Now, ain't that sweeter than a pitcher of tea. Weren't she that little skinny bitch? The one with the red hair? That's her, ain't it? I fucked her sister least once a month for some dope." I look at him again. He seems lost in the memory of screwin' some drugged up bitch.

"Look at us Dixon Brothers, fuckin' a pair of sisters. Was the little one any good? That sister of hers was somethin' else, boy. Whew!" I don't remember much 'bout that girl. She was always tryin' to get me to go out on dates an' shit. That was a dense broad. Comin' 'round our house dressed like a nasty whore. I was three sheets to the wind when I finally gave into her an' screwed her in her bathroom.

We had been sittin' out on her tattered old couch, Merle was in her sister's room gettin' high an' gettin' his rocks off. She kept a jar of shine in my hand all night. I remember her pullin' me in that small ass bathroom. She reached down into the front of my jeans an' grabbed me. Hard. The girl annoyed the fuck outta me, but my body acted faster than my mind. I had her on all fours in no time, shorts down to her knees. I remember that I didn't wanna look her in the face. it was rough an' it was over just as fast as it started. She passed out drunk a few minutes later an' I left her ass in there. I went back to pass out on the couch. Merle shook me awake the next mornin'. He had said their daddy pulled up the drive an' we needed to go out through the window. I never told Merle what I did with that girl.

She followed me 'round like a fuckin' starved mutt after that. She was the type Merle used to call pressed. Always tryin' to get me to come back to her place. I ain't stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I'd forgotten she'd put that damn cd in here. I saw it on the seat one afternoon an' threw it in the glove box without a second glance. My hand goes across the bench seat to take it from him, but I ain't the only one with reflexes.

"Not so fast, stud. Let's hear what the little sister had to say 'bout you." He slides it into the player. There's a pause before the music starts. Merle laughs an' says he can't wait to hear a trailer slut's idea of a mix tape. I heard the familiar guitar riff an' my heart stood still. Why the fuck'd she have to put this song on here? The words seem to wrap 'round my throat like a fuckin' noose. Jesus Christ.

_"Mama told me when I was young, sit beside me, my only son. Listen closely to what I say. If you do this, it'll help you some sunny day."_

The music fills the cab, suffocatin' me. Cagin' me in. Merle's fingers drum the dash.

"Ain't ever took that little trailer tramp to be a Skynyrd fan. Good taste in music, poor taste in men." He laughs again, punches my arm. I just try to tune it all out.

_"Oh, take your time. Don't live too fast. Troubles will come, an' they will pass. You'll find a woman an' you'll find love. An' don't forget son, there is someone up above."_

I need to steady my breathin'. I'll put this truck in a ditch if I can't get my shit together.

_"An' be a simple kind of man. Oh, be somethin' you love an' understand. Baby, be a simple kind of man. Oh, wont you do this for me, son, if you can?"_

I don't even think. My hand shakes as I reach out to switch the song. Merle looks at me. Deep down, he knows what's wrong. He clears his throat, spits outta the window again. I wait for the backlash.

"Yeah. I ain't too fond of that one, either." His voice is dry as the cloud of dust we kick up, _Sweet Home Alabama_ fills the air 'round us.

My brother ain't ever been the emotional type. Hell, he's the one who taught me how to put up a fortress 'round myself in the first place. When our mama died, I cried. It got the shit beaten outta me by our old man. He hated weakness. He hated emotion. Merle snuck in an' outta our room that night with wet rags to wipe the blood offa my back. He'd been the whippin' boy for years. Smart mouth an' a habit of stealin' shit made you an easy target for the old man. Merle always thought that was the only night that man struck me. That's 'cause he was always too drunk or too high to notice much.

Merle once told me that his purpose in life was to save me from the same pain he endured. That God made him tougher an' made him act out so our father wouldn't put a hand on me. He said God would forgive him at judgement day for the sins he committed, 'cause he did it to save my skin. That his life was meant to be a sacrifice. I always thought he was brave. But, after our father started tearin' my back up instead, I thought Merle had been an idiot. I never told him that I'd taken his place. It was my burden to bear, not his.

Nowadays, Merle's on the same side of the religion fence as me. I can remember him prayin' at night when we were kids. Askin' God to save us from our father. To save our mama from his beatin's. I would lay in my bed an' listen to him whisper to some great, invisible force to give us protection. I always wanted to believe it. 'Til the day we lost our mama. I couldn't help the resentment I had felt to the one Merle had silently spoken to all those years. Hadn't we been through enough? Days without so much as a piece of bread so's our dad could keep up his drinkin'. His almost daily bar runs, stumblin' through the door at all hours of the night.

Mama would try to keep him quiet, tell him we were sleepin'. But Merle an' me never slept on his bar nights. I remember my mama's cries, the sounds of his hand connectin' with her face, her scared voice when she'd tell him to let go of her arm before he'd drag her into their room, against her will. That's when I'd close my eyes tight, put my head under my pillow. We'd wake up in the mornin' to see the old man passed out on the recliner, he never slept in their bed once he finished with her. She would tell us to keep quiet, go outside while he slept. The bruises never fully left my mama's face.

That fuckin' song threw me back into my past. I remember my mama's bruises. The ones on her face, 'round her neck an' up her arms. She'd sit outside with me under her favorite oak tree an' hold me close. I'd bury my face in her neck as she sung to me.

_"Oh don't you worry, you'll find yourself. Follow your heart an' nothin' else. You can do this, if you try. All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. An' be a simple kind of man. Oh, be somethin' you love an' understand. Baby, be a simple kind of man. Oh, wont you do this for me, son, if you can?"_

My mama was the only woman in the world to ever hold my heart. I'd never let any other woman get near what's left of it. Sure, I'd bed 'em down. But love an' sex don't go hand in hand. Merle taught me that with all the girls he ran through. He always told me to find pleasure for myself 'cause I'm the only person who cares if I'm happy. I know he's right.

"What we needa do is find some people, a group or somethin'." His voice broke through my thoughts. We were comin' close to the quarry, now. He had told me we couldn't go to the city with all the others. That there'd be too many cops lurkin' 'bout ready to lock him up on possession charges. I highly doubted my doped up brother would top the list of their problems given the current situation, but I ain't gonna argue with him. Neither of us was what you'd call a people person. Now he wants to find a group.

"Why?"

"We find a group, we find food. Maybe some more weapons. You're good with that bow of yours, boy, but how 'bout over twenty dead closin' in on you? Wouldn't stand a chance. My gun's low on ammo. We need to find more people." I don't like it. Merle's always been the one to steal, not me. Sure, I'd pocket some of the shit he'd grabbed an' handed to me. Weren't the same. I ain't ever relied on nobody to provide for me, that included stealin', far's I'm concerned. I prefer self sufficiency. But Merle speaks again before I can talk him outta it.

"Pull over on the shoulder here." We're right before the road up to the top of that quarry. I see what caught his attention. There's a large fire goin', smoke fills the air. "Baby brother, I do believe we've found our suckers."

I can't help but think how stupid those people were to make such a large fire. If we could see it that meant the dead could, too. I don't feel right doin' this. I let the truck sit in idle, tryin' to come up with an argument.

"Don't get all soft on me now, boy. We gotta get up there an' make a quick job of it. Stick 'em up or shoot 'em down. It can be their choice. Don't ever say I ain't a fair man." I flinched when he called me soft. Bastard did that on purpose, knows damn well how I feel 'bout that word. The wicked smile he gives me then seals our fate. He looks so much like the old man in that moment, I'm almost scared of him.

I turn off the shoulder an' slowly take the road up. There's a shit ton more people than we expected. Merle speaks quietly when he tells me it's a change of plan, that we'll have to wait for them to fall asleep. I'm relieved that somethin' bought these idiots more time. They ain't nobody to me, I don't care what happens to a single one of them when we take off. But I have to live with myself either way. We pull up to an old station wagon an' a man approaches us with a handgun raised. Merle swears under his breath. The guy steps into the headlights of my truck an' his deputy uniform catches my eye. Of all the fuckin' people my stupid, redneck brother tries to rob...

"Y'all boys lost?" He's up to my window now. He looks pissed. I clear my throat, dunno what the fuck to say. Merle saves my ass, as usual.

"Evenin' officer. My brother an' me been out all day lookin' for some shelter. All each other's got really. Considered headin' down to the city." The cop lowers his gun, but keeps a firm grip on it. He looks from Merle to me, then speaks directly to Merle.

"Don't waste the gas or the energy. Atlanta's been run over. Why else would I keep my people up on some godforsaken mountain?" The surprise on Merle's face is genuine. We never thought it'd be overrun by anything but cops. Merle clicks his tongue.

"Well, officer. Ain't that a damned shame. We been drivin' this heap all day hopin' for somethin' better." He leaves it at that. He doesn't have to ask, a deaf man could hear the question he's thinkin'.

"Y'all got weapons or ammo?" In response, Merle lifts up his shotgun.

"Daryl, here's, got hisself a pretty nice Horton settin' in the bed of the truck. Front of my bike. Y'all need the extra muscle?" He looks like he's thinkin' on it. His face turns to me an' I look away.

"You gotta bow? Means you can hunt?" I keep my eyes forward, nod slightly. He seems annoyed. He speaks to Merle again. "Your brother don't know how to speak? Deaf or mute or somethin'?" I see Merle's muscles tense up. Far's he's concerned, he's the only one that can give me any shit.

"Easy what you say, officer. My brother's a lot smarter than you might think. Boy's just shy 'round strangers. When he's got somethin' important to say, he'll speak up." He claps his hand on my shoulder. It's probably the most carin' gesture he's showed me since we was kids. I still flinch at the sudden contact. But the officer seems to accept that. Twice Merle's saved my ass in under ten minutes. I'll never hear the end of it.

"The name's Shane. Y'all fellas come up here with me. I'll introduce you to the rest of my camp. I'm tellin' you now so there ain't no surprises. If the people here don't want y'all hangin' 'round, you get back in that truck an' head on out." We nod to him. He walks us towards his people, a large ass group. Men, women, kids. My eyes focus on that big ass fire, may's well be a fuckin' dinner bell for the dead. I clear my throat.

"Y'all needa make that fire smaller. The light an' movement will bring the dead down on you." He looks at me for a moment. The corner of his mouth turns up an' he holsters his gun. His hands cup his mouth as he shouts.

"T-Dogg! Glenn! Do somethin' 'bout that fire. We needa keep 'em smaller." He turns back to me, almost smilin'. "Only speak when you got somethin' important to say?" He laughs to hisself an' leads us on. Merle punches my arm an' winks at me when I catch his eye. Guess we save each other.

* * *

_A/N: I do not own The Walking Dead or the characters. I also do not own the Lynyrd Skynyrd songs mentioned here. Feel free to let me know what you think and if I should continue it up to where Push starts. For now, I'm going back to work on my next chapter in Push! :)_


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey! Y'all boys up?"

I jolt upright, look 'round to see who's talkin'. Fuck. I'm still in our tent, Merle snorin' next to me. Bastard's gonna be hung over today. I rub my hands over my face an' reach for the zipper, pullin' it open slowly. Before or after the end of the world, it ain't ever gonna be a good mornin' when your wake up call's a fuckin' cop.

"We got stuff to get done today. You an' your brother come on out when you're decent. Meet me by Dale's camper." Shane sounds irritated. I can't fuckin' imagine what stuff he's got for us to do. Just got here last night an' already bein' put to work. I reach over an' shake on Merle's boot.

"Merle, get the fuck up." He kicks at me, but don't wake up. I reach over him an' grab my shirt, pull it over my head an' toss his own shirt at his face. He sits up an' swings. Fuckin' idiot.

"The fuck was that?" He's lookin' 'round, eyes still bloodshot. When they fall on me, he looks pissed. "Fuck you do that for, asshole?"

"Your good buddy, Officer Shane, wants us to meet up at the camper. C'mon." I bend over an' shove my feet in my boots, don't even bother to lace 'em. Merle pulls his shirt over his head an' starts workin' at his own boots when I step outta the tent. I forgot how close all of us were. Jesus, the Mexican's car was practically on top of us. I twist my back an' run my hands through my hair. Merle steps outta the tent, spits on the ground. We see some of the group standin' at that RV, so we head over. I fuckin' hate dealin' with other people, 'specially strangers. Merle really knows how to get us in some shit. When we get to the rest, I just make out an argument.

"I go alone. I've always gone alone on the supply runs!" Dunno why, but the chinaman's pretty pissed off. He ain't nearly as pissed as Shane.

"I'm not arguin' with you, Glenn. Non-negotiable. We need a lot more shit this time, you need the extra manpower." I notice that black guy agrees with Shane.

"Glenn, what if you get out there, get all our shit an' run into trouble?" Shane nods.

"T-Dogg's right. That happens you not only prevent us from gettin' the supplies we need, we'll also be down a man." The kid looks like he wants to argue, but Shane keeps talkin'. Completely cuts off any further discussion. "Non-negotiable." An' then he storms off. Merle clears his throat, decides to speak up an' figure out just what the hell's goin' on.

"Y'all mind fillin' us in on whatever it is you're plannin' to do?" The blonde speaks up.

"Jesus, don't tell me Shane wants the two Duke Boys to tag along." I can tell already she's a bitch. I keep my mouth shut. I know better than to mouth off when we're outnumbered. Can't say the same for my brother.

"Come again, sugar tits? You got a problem with me an' my little brother bein' here? 'Cause you seemed awful happy last night when Shane told y'all we could hunt. Fact, I don't reckon I even heard you complain. Daryl?" I don't look at any of them, just at the ground. Merle scoffs at me. "I think what my tongue-tied baby brother meant to say was, he ain't heard your complaints, either. So how 'bout you hold off on the snobby bitch routine an' tell us what we gotta do." I glance up to see she is frozen to the spot, hands on her hips, mouth wide open. The Mexican speaks for her.

"Look, we need supplies. Glenn, here, usually makes the runs solo, but this is a bigger haul. We're runnin' low on the basics." I still don't understand what the fuck they're goin' on 'bout. The fuck they mean, supply run? When neither of us say anything, the black guy chimes in.

"We're headin' into the city. Glenn knows all the ways in an' outta there but we need a larger party. We already got me, Morales, Jacqui an' Andrea. We could use another man." I pick up on the singular. I don't even think before I speak.

"Man? Why we both standin' here if you only need one other guy? How 'bout the old man up on his fuckin' perch?" I point up to the old guy standin' on the camper, rifle in his hands. Blonde speaks again.

"That 'old man' watches the camp. We need him here." She won't say it. It's 'cause he's fuckin' old. Merle's patience is wearin' thin. He already spit twice just standin' here.

"Y'all take one of us, where's that leave the other?" The Mexican answers.

"We can't live off canned foods forever. We're almost out and that's part of the reason we're headed that way. Shane said you guys were hunters. The one that stays behind, hunts." I look over at Merle. He winks at me an' starts before I can stop him.

"Well, Daryl's your man. He takes that bow of his out there an' brings in the meat. I guess I'm takin' my chances in the city." Nobody argues with him, not even me. Not in front of all them. We split up so's they can all get ready. Merle slips back in the tent to grab his leather vest an' his rifle. Away from the crowd, I can speak my mind.

"The fuck you thinkin' runnin' on some suicide mission? We don't know these people. What if they put a bullet in your head when they figure out what a backwoods, racist son of a bitch you are?"

"Little brother, don't go worryin' 'bout Ol' Merle. I can take care of myself just fine. 'Sides, I'd like to get a look at whatever they got stashed away. You go off frolickin' in the flora an' the fauna, leave the dirty work to me." I can't believe he's fuckin' doin' this. I wanna talk him outta it, tell him we should just pack our shit an' hit the road. But the words don't come to me. "So, how 'bout one of them Reds?" He's such a jackass. I pull my smokes outta my back pocket an' hold the pack out to him. He puts one behind his ear an' the other to his lips, flicks his zippo an' takes a long inhale before he speaks again.

"I gotta admit. I sure as shit ain't happy headin' out with the fuckin' meltin' pot. Damn. All the camps we find, it's loaded with blacks, spics an' chinks. Jesus Christ on the cross. That right there's a sign I'm bein' punished if I ever seen one." I grab my crossbow an' we head back over to the group. I can tell already Merle ain't happy. He's headed out with blonde, two blacks, the Mexican an' the chinaman. Blonde won't look him in the eyes when she speaks.

"I'm sorry. About the Duke Boys comment. It's Dixon, right?" Merle gets that look in his eye, the one where he knows he's the top dog in a pack. I've seen that look too many times to count.

"That's right, Blondie. Name's Merle, that's Daryl." She blushes, but it ain't the flatterin' kind. He really embarrassed her earlier. Ain't like she didn't deserve it. The Mexican introduces hisself as Morales. The black guy's T-Dogg, Jacqui's the black lady, we already figured out which one was Glenn, an' Andrea's the blonde. I sling the bow over my shoulder. I'm already sick of the get-to-know-you shit. I can't hold my tongue no more.

"Y'all know what you're doin', headin' down in the city like this? Weren't it overrun?" Andrea looks right at me, I drop my eyes to her feet when she talks to me.

"We trust Glenn. An' now we have the extra man. We'll be fine." Morales claps his hand to my shoulder an' I shove down the urge to push him away. Merle catches it, only smiles at me like the bastard he is. Morales tells me to make sure to bag the biggest buck I can find. Merle drops his cigarette in the dirt an' grinds it out. The others start to head for the road, but Merle hangs back.

"Don't let me down, boy. I expect some kinda meat when I get back. Hell, I could even go for stewed squirrel. I'll see you in a bit." With that, he takes off after the others. Part of me feels wrong that I didn't say bye. That I didn't tell him to be careful. Hell, I know better. If I'd say stupid shit like that he'd tell me to knock the sand outta my pussy. Old man on watch looks down at me.

"Daryl, is it? You can head out through those trees over there, son. Good luck." I bite back the urge to tell him I ain't his son. I look 'round the camp as I make my way out. There's still a big group even with those gone. The little kids runnin' 'round playin' an' shit catches my eye. Much as I wanna get the hell outta here, I can't help but think they're dependin' on me for a meal. I ain't ever been responsible for nobody but myself. I have a heavy feelin' weighin' on me that I just got a whole lot more responsibilities. That fuckin' sucks. I need to bag somethin' out there. I know what it's like to be a hungry kid. Fuck. This place is gettin' to me. I'll bring back some food. But soon's Merle gets back, we're gettin' the fuck outta here.

* * *

I've been trackin' for hours now, it finally looks like it's gonna pay off. The deer's right in my sight. Movin' more than I need it to, but I just wanna get it. A rope of squirrels ain't gonna feed all them fuckin' people. In the back of my mind, I think of how bad those little kids could use the food. I shoot off an arrow an' hit it in the hip. Motherfucker. I needa clear my head. Stop thinkin' of starvin' children. I load back up an' chase it. Ain't like it don't know I'm after it, I already blew it by aimin' too far off. A chillin' thought comes over me.

I think of what the old man woulda said 'bout that shot. He'd probably throw one of his empty bottles at my head. He always taught us to steady our breathin', make the aim an' pull one smooth motion. Merle ain't ever been as good a shot as me. It makes me think of how he volunteered me to hunt. I almost think he did it outta pride, but I know better. My brother don't hold pride in no one but hisself. Somethin' else our father passed on.

I aim at the deer again, only to catch it a few inches further from the first. Dammit. That animal really took off, even with two bolts in its hip. Now I have to track. I spend all fuckin' day followin' that bastard's trail. From the looks of it, the thing weren't bleedin' too much. What little blood I do spot heads me east. I see a squirrel up ahead, an' nail his ass to the tree. I pull him down an' string him up. It's only then that I realize how fuckin' hungry I am. I ain't ate shit all day. I feel like a fuckin' idiot. I find some mushrooms on the ground. They could be poisonous for all I know, but I eat 'em anyways. After a few minutes I'm still standin' so I carry on.

I ain't sure how many miles I'm out, but I notice the sun settin'. I could either find a spot to hide out, or I can head back to camp. I figured I'm better off stayin' on the trail of that deer an' sleepin' out here. I ain't dumb enough to just drop to the ground, so I climb up a decent sized tree, just a few feet up. I mount a branch an' straddle it. Ain't the most uncomfortable place I ever slept. I take off my extra squirrel line an' tie myself to the tree. I knot it at my waist an' hang my full squirrel line on the branch next to me. I could hang up the crossbow, but I'd rather have it right where I can get to it. The last thing I think of before I go to sleep is the stupid grin that'll be on my brother's face when he sees my kills.


	3. Chapter 3

_"C'mon. Pack your shit, asshole."_

_I'm still in shock to see his ass standin' there, shakin' at my boot. I hadn't even heard his bike pull up. For a second, thought I was seein' shit. Hell, thought I was still drunk. I got wasted last night, kept to my room so the old man would forget I'm here. Shit, fifth of whiskey made _me_ forget I'm here. I got so damn lit I ain't even undress, even left my fuckin' boots on. I hear him tossin' my shit in a trash bag, an' I throw my head back down on the stiff mattress. I think 'bout yesterday. It was a rough fuckin' day._

_I'm failin' all my classes 'cept automotive. Only class I'm any good at. I ain't fuckin' stupid, but I know that's what most of them teachers think. Ain't really like any of that shit's hard. Math an' Science, English. I'm in all the general classes, so it ain't even like I really gotta think. But thinkin's my damn problem. I think too fuckin' much. I spend all my time in my own damn head, tryin' to figure out what the fuck I'm doin' in this world. It's what them teachers always tell me, how I needa set my priorities right 'fore I wind up trash. Maybe they ain't as smart as they think, or they'd know I already am trash._

_Then I got nights where my old man comes home reakin' like burnt wood an' chemicals after a night at the bar. He'll set up beer cans 'round the house an' fire his .22 while sittin' in that moldy old recliner. I don't ever say nothin' to him. I know better. Firin' 'rounds in the house ain't nearly as fun to him as his favorite drunken pastime. I try to stay outta his sight on them nights. I lock myself up in my room an' try to concentrate on my fuckin' homework. I stay up most nights tryin' to get the shit done, but my mind wanders to places that ain't got nothin' to do with my education._

_Last night, I'd heard him come inside 'round midnight. Heard the heavy, drunken footfalls, the way he bumped into shit. I checked to make sure my door was locked. I could hear him searchin' the fridge, musta been for beer cause weren't no damn food in this house. I'd looked down to my hands an' saw my knuckles, white as bone, grippin' the edge of the dresser I did my work on. When I heard the familiar sound of the recliner sinkin' under his weight, I let out my breath. _

_I'd just wanted to get away from it all. School, this place. My head ached from all the stupid shit I couldn't get outta it. Like every time I tried to move forward, I ended up facin' the same problems. But if there's anything I'd learned from the people I had to call family, it's that there's only one solution to forgettin' your problems. I pulled open the top drawer, reached in an' grabbed out the fifth of Jack I'd saved up for a time like this. Merle got it for my seventeenth birthday just a few months ago. I try so damn hard to stay away from alcohol, I don't wanna be like them. Fuck it. Figured I deserved this one._

_As I twisted the top, breakin' the seal, I thought of my pipe dream of bein' the first one in my family to go to college. I brought the bottle to my mouth, the smooth glass brushed against my lips an' I just held it there. The vapors burned my nostrils. My eyes dropped back down to the blank paper that shoulda been my math homework. I'd thought how math was all problems an' solutions. Ain't that what I was doin'? Solvin' a problem? I closed my eyes, tilted the bottle back an' let the whiskey burn all the way down my throat. That's the last of my memory from yesterday._

_"Dammit, boy! You drink yourself deaf last night? Get the fuck up. We gotta go 'fore that bastard gets back."_

_I'm brought back to the present. When I sit back up, I see Merle's packed all my shit in that bag. I look 'round my room. Funny how everything I own fits in one bag. Only thing left's the empty bottle at the foot of my bed. I squint up at him, not makin' eye contact but tryin' to figure out what the hell's goin' on. "The fuck you talkin' 'bout?"_

_I meet his stare. My brother smiled that wicked grin of his. His blue eyes were ice cold an', for once, they weren't even bloodshot. It took me a second to take him all in. Hadn't seen the bastard in months. Ain't much changed 'cept him bein' sober. An' that's what gets my ass up outta that bed. Wherever he planned on takin' me, it had to be important for him to sober hisself up. He tosses my bag to me an' I catch it 'fore it hits the floor._

_"Get your head outta your ass, little brother. Ain't it obvious? I'm bustin' you outta this shit hole. You're gonna stay with me. Now, grab the keys to that busted ass truck of yours an' let's get the fuck outta here."_

_That's when I notice my school shit still on my dresser. I think 'bout what this means. I know what he's offerin'. It ain't gonna be some four bedroom house with a fancy mailbox at the end of the driveway. Merle was always on the run. If I run with him, I gotta give up school. I think 'bout this place. Our old man. College. I look at my math book an' the still blank paper set beside it. Then I glance back up to my brother. He nods to me an' heads out the door without sayin' another word. I stare at my dresser, at my school work. I decide then an' there where my future's headed. I reach out an' grab my keys out from under the book cover an' follow Merle outside._

I open my eyes an' realize I'm still sittin' up in a damn tree. My fingers ache from the grip I kept at my bow all night. Felt like I'd only just fallen asleep. I untie myself an' grab my squirrels, careful as I climb back down. Once my feet hit the dirt, I twist my back. I think 'bout the dream I'd been havin'. It was 'bout the day I first took off with Merle. Soon's we got to the motel he'd picked for the night, he'd told me somethin' that's weighed heavily on my mind ever since.

_"Don't you forget, boy. There ain't nobody in this world that cares 'bout you more than me. Ain't nobody ever will, either." He'd said it with his back to me as he laid out his lighter, needle an' bent spoon on the nightstand between our beds. He came over to the bed I was sittin' on, pulled his duffel bag to him an' tossed it on his own bed. I heard him pull the zipper. When he turned back to face me, I watched as he tossed the dope to the nightstand. His eyes met mine, but I dropped my focus to my feet. "All, we got's each other, baby brother. Don't ever forget that."_

I light up a Red, the smoke soothes all the aches an' pains in my body. I can feel the nicotine run its course an' I start to clear my mind so's I can start trackin' that damn deer again. I close my eyes an' Merle's words swirl 'round my brain. It ain't but a few seconds for the nicotine to clear my head completely an' I get back into the mind of a hunter. I lift my bow offa the ground an' swing it over my shoulder. I hook my thumb under the strap an' adjust it. I swing the squirrels over my other shoulder an' pull the cigarette from my lips, knockin' off the buildin' ash. Then I set off. There's no more thoughts of college, whiskey, or motel rooms. No more thoughts of the time my brother saved my life only to drag me into his hell. As I pass another tree, I grind my cigarette into it an' flick it to the ground.

* * *

The deer's in my sight. My breathin's even an' my finger's on the trigger. I aim for the heart, knowin' that even a higher shot will hit the lungs. I let out my breath as I pull the trigger. Lung shot. It takes off runnin', but it won't last long. Bastard's pushin' offa adrenaline now. He'll drop soon enough. I take off after him. I check for blood on the ground, plants an' trees. I see a splatter on a bush an' find my blood trail on the ground. As I train my eyes to the leaves an' dirt, I can't get the image outta my head of how happy Merle's gonna be when he sees what I bring back. It ain't the biggest deer, but it's still a deer. I see a small clearin' through the bushes an' place another bolt at the ready, put it down quick so's I can drag it back. I step out from behind a boulder an' look up to a gun in my face. I fall back a step.

I hadn't realized the deer was headin' towards our camp. Shane an' the others look relieved to see me. I start to think they found my deer an' were happy I'd gotten somethin'. Then I see the rotted corpse on the ground. Course they weren't glad to see me. They'd been glad I wasn't another dead fuck. I'd remembered the other night when we first got here. This group had called 'em geeks. Merle an' me called 'em biters. Or just dead fucks. My eyes trail from the geek an' that's when I see it.

"Son of a bitch! That's my deer!" Anger, cold as ice, washes through my veins as I take in the sight of my deer, all mauled up an' ripped to shit by the nasty fucker they'd beheaded. I wanna hit somethin', put my fist through a fuckin' wall. I'd been out all day yesterday, slept in a fuckin' tree last night an' spent the better part of my mornin' trackin' that damn deer. I can't take a swing at any of these men, so I take it out on the next best thing an' connect my foot with the geek's body.

"Look at it, all gnawed on by this filthy," I kick the ribs. "Disease bearin'," My boot connects to its gut. "Motherless," I don't think I can kick this nasty fucker any harder. I pull my foot back one last time, connectin' with its side again. "Poxy bastard!"

The old man speaks up, scoldin' me like some fuckin' kid. "Calm down son, that's not helping."

I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is. But it's the second fuckin' time he's called me son. I ain't his fuckin' son. I look 'round them all as I stomp over to him. I ain't nothin' to none of them. "What d'you know 'bout it, old man? Take that stupid hat an' go back to _On Golden Pond_!"

I turn back to the deer. Damn fuckin' shame. All the time wasted. I pull my three bolts out, wipin' 'em on my pants leg an' let out a heavy sigh. "Been trackin' this deer for miles. Was gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison." I look at its body, all ripped up by the geek. I point to it, look 'round the others.

"What d'you think? Think we can cut 'round this chewed up part, right here?"

I focus on Shane. He shakes his head at me. "I would not risk that."

"That's a damn shame. Well, got some squirrels. 'Bout a dozen or so. That'll have to do." I show 'em what game we got left. Definitely ain't a lot. Probably ain't enough. Fuck it. Don't see all them goin' out huntin' for food. They'd rather eat all that shit from cans they gather along the way. I glance up an' see Andrea standin' with her younger sister, watchin' us. Then I see Morales an' Glenn's here, too. If they're back, Merle must be up at the camp. I make to head that way when I notice the geek head chompin' on the ground. The girls get grossed out an' take off towards camp. I roll my eyes an' aim my bow.

"C'mon people, what the hell?" I put a bolt through it's eye an' it stops movin'. These idiots gotta know better than that. "Gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin'?"

They all just stare at me like a buncha dumbasses. I ain't got time for their shit. I think of the look Merle's gonna give me when he sees these rodents. I also think of all them hungry kids that needa be fed. But I push that thought from my mind. I walk past them on my way to look for my brother, an' I hear Shane mumble, "Liked it better when he didn't talk."

When I get to the camp, everybody's starin' at me. Probably that damn Morales told 'em all I'd bag a deer. Probably all thinkin' I ain't a good enough hunter. Fuck this whole camp. Don't see nobody else headin' out to put meat in our stomachs. Ain't my fault there's a buncha dead bastards, roamin' 'round, eatin' people's deer an' shit.

"Merle! Merle? Get your filthy ass out here! Got us some squirrels! Let's stew 'em up." I wait for my brother to shout at me, wait for him to stick his head outta our tent an' tell me what a good job I'd done. Shit, I'm just waitin' for him to get out here. These people don't look at him the way they look at me. Merle's always kept people at a distance just with his presence. I ain't nearly as lucky. When he doesn't answer me, doesn't come in view, I look 'round. He can't still be sleepin'? All these fuckin' people are still starin' at me. I hear Shane's voice behind me.

""Daryl, slow up a bit. I need to talk to you." I already don't like the tone of his voice. An' all them damn people are still starin'. I turn to him.

"'Bout what?" He looks to the ground 'fore he looks back up at me. An uneasy feelin' comes over me.

" 'Bout Merle. There was a, uh, problem in Atlanta." I feel sick to my stomach. Bile rises in my throat. I look 'round. The whole damn camp's gathered 'round us, all watchin' me. I start to pace, eyes flickin' all over an' in the back of my mind I register that I might come off lookin' like some cornered animal. I still for a second, choke on the words as they come up.

"He dead?"

"Not sure." The fuck's that s'posed to mean? How the fuck can't you be sure if someone's dead or not? I can feel my temper risin'.

"He either is or he ain't!" Some guy I ain't seen 'fore comes up to me.

"No easy way to say this, so I'll just say it." Who the fuck is this jackass?

"Who're you?"

"Rick Grimes."

"Rick Grimes? You got somethin' you wanna tell me." His eyes lock on mine. The feral instinct I've had all my life is in full effect. I pace in fronta him, size him up. Hold his eyes. He sighs.

"Your brother was a danger to us all. So I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there." I feel my eyes start to burn, an' I turn away from him. I can't look him in the eyes when I got tears startin' to build up. I wipe them away with the heel of my hand.

"Hold on, lemme process this. You say you handcuffed my brother to a roof, an you left him there?" My voice raises on the last part. I'm still pacin', that animal in me is clawin' to get out. I'm reminded of every fight I ever been in. The anger surges through my whole body, my core's solid ice. He nods to me.

"Yeah."

That's all it takes. I bite down on my bottom lip, try to calm myself. Instead I swing the squirrels offa my shoulder an' throw 'em at him. Just as I charge to take the bastard down, Shane tackles me. I fall to the ground an' pull my buck knife offa my hip without thinkin'. Shane says to watch the knife. I can't see through the haze, I barely make out that fuckin' Rick Grimes' outline as I swing the knife at him. I miss an' he grabs my wrist, Shane grabs me from behind an' starts to drag me to the ground. I drop my knife. "Best let me go!"

"Nah, I think it's better if we don't."

Then the bastard cop puts me in a fuckin' chokehold. "Chokeholdin's illegal!"

"Yeah, you can file a complaint. C'mon now, I can keep this up all day." I feel the blood drainin' outta my head, runnin' to all my limbs an' everything starts to go numb. I try to catch my breath an' Rick Fuckin' Grimes gets down on the ground to look me in the face.

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, you think we can manage that? You think we can manage that?" Shane lets me go, throws me to the ground. I'm on my ass, tryin' to catch my breath. Tryin' to wrap my head 'round all the shit they're tellin' me. Rick keeps talkin'.

"What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work or play well with others." I can't look him in the eyes. All I can think's these fuckin' assholes are tryin' to make me think whatever happened to my brother was necessary. T-Dogg speaks up, I hadn't even noticed he was there.

"S'not Rick's fault. I had the key, I dropped it."

"Couldn't pick it up?"

"Well, I dropped it in a drain." A small sob rips past my lips as I hang my head. This keeps gettin' worst. Tears have already spilled past my eyes as I crawl on hands an' knees 'fore pickin' myself up. I fist some gravel an' throw it at T-Dogg's feet as I stand.

"S'posed to make me feel better, it don't."

"Maybe this will. I chained the door to the roof so the geeks couldn't get at him. With a padlock." I've stepped a little ways in fronta him. Now I'm starin' him down. Rick speaks up again.

"That's gotta count for somethin'." Another small sob breaks free an' I wipe at my eyes again.

"Hell with all y'all! Just tell me where he is, so's I can go get him." That woman that was huggin' up on Shane at the fire the other night steps in.

"He'll show you. Isn't that right?" I look over to Rick. He looks from her, to the others to me. When he speaks, it's to all of us.

"I'm goin' back."

I shoulder past him. I've heard enough of all their shit. I grab up my bolts an' bow. I sit on the ground, settin' the bolts in fronta me to clean 'em off. All's I can think of's these fuckin' bastards leavin' my brother stranded on some godforsaken roof. I knew I had a sick feelin' when he left yesterday. I fuckin' hate myself for not sayin' goodbye or tellin' him to be careful. I hate myself more for not talkin' him outta it like my fuckin' gut told me to do. If I'd listened to fuckin' instinct, me an' him could be clear 'cross the state by now. We coulda found some place to hole up 'til all this shit got figured out. I'm just gettin' up when I hear Rick an' Shane approachin', arguin'. Shane's pissed.

"Could you throw me a bone here man? Could you- could you just tell me why? Why would you risk your life for a douchebag like Merle Dixon?"

My blood freezes at the comment. I think 'bout that chokehold he put me in, think 'bout the guns on their hips an' I fight back what I really wanna say. I take a deep breath. "Hey. Choose your words more carefully."

"No, I did. Douchebag's what I meant. Merle Dixon. The guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dyin' of thirst!" I'm 'bout to say somethin' else, but Rick's talkin' 'fore I get the chance.

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst. Me. Thirst an' exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human bein'."

That skinny bitch speaks out again, doesn't approve of Rick only takin' me out to get my brother. These people were all for him runnin' out there riskin' his neck to get them shit. Maybe my brother wasn't the best at bein' in a group, but he's still a fuckin' human. He's still my fuckin' brother. Rick gets Glenn to join us, an' that only pisses Shane off more. Sayin' how we're takin' three men from the camp. That pisses me off more. How many people was he willin' to risk yesterday for fuckin' supplies? He'd said it was nonnegotiable when Glenn wanted to go alone. That was for supplies, this was for Merle.

"Four." I turn back to look at T-Dogg. Course the man that dropped the fuckin' key wants to volunteer. I'm headin' out to find my brother with a group made up of three fuckers that left him on that damn roof in the first place. I snort.

"My day just gets better an' better, don't it?"

"You see anybody else standin' up to save your brother's cracker ass?" I know he's right. Nobody wants to help me or help Merle. Rick's only doin' it outta guilt. Glenn was coerced by Rick.

"Why you?"

"You wouldn't even begin to understand. You don't speak my language."

Shane starts arguin' that it ain't worth the manpower. How we're all needed here. I'm just 'bout to tell all of 'em to go fuck theirselves when Rick mentions what we need is more guns. I ain't got no fuckin' clue what he's talkin' 'bout, but Glenn starts sayin' how there's some bag fulla guns in the middle of the city. Rick explains to Shane how he has all these rifles, handguns, rounds of ammo. I glance over to get a better look at Shane's face. He's actually thinkin' it over. I tune out the rest of their conversation. Just finish wipin' my bolts clean. Honestly, I don't give a shit what's in that city that ain't Merle. All's I can think 'bout is that dream I had. 'Bout him comin' in an' savin' me. That's what he'd done for me. Time I return the favor.

I follow Glenn over to that cube van. I don't say nothin' to the kid. From the sounds of it, he ain't had nothin' to do with my brother gettin' left behind. Made him somewhat better than Rick an' T-Dogg. Not enough for me to make fuckin' small talk. He jumps in the driver seat as I climb in the back.

"This is really crazy." I grunt my response. I know it's crazy. I know it's stupid as fuck. It's reckless. Fortunately for Merle, reckless an' stupid run in our blood. I pace in the van. My patience's wearin' thin. I look over to see the other two havin' a full out conversation with that old man.

"The fuck they talkin' to the old man 'bout? We gotta go."

I didn't mean to say it out loud, it sorta slipped out. I'd been meanin' to keep quiet, just think 'bout how we'd find my brother an' how we'd get him offa that fuckin' roof.

"You mean Dale? They probably need tools. T-Dogg said he'd chained the door. Dale might have bolt cutters or something to get through that."

I hadn't thought of that, how to get to him with a damn chain there. Much's I hate to admit, they're thinkin' ahead. Better than I was doin'. But they're takin' too fuckin' long. Every minute they waste here's another minute we ain't out there gettin' my brother. My patience's worn out. I step up to the front an' lift up my leg, press it down on the horn a few times. Glenn presses hisself back against the window. "Hey! What're you doing?"

I ignore him an' stomp over to the back of the cube van. "C'mon! Let's go!"

They head on over, Shane hands Rick some rounds for his gun. I don't care 'bout what they're sayin'. None of it matters to me. All I wanna do is get Merle an' leave these fuckin' bastards in the damn dust. We head out, just the four of us. Me an' T-Dogg take the back. We make the ride in silence, but as we pull up to the edge of the city I can't hold my tongue no more. I look T-Dogg in the eyes.

"He better be okay. That's my only word on the matter."

"I told you. The geeks can't get at him. Only thing gettin through that door is us." For their sake, he best be right. I feel the van brakin', then it comes to a complete stop. Glenn looks 'round us an' says we can walk it from here. So we climb out an' take off down the railroad tracks. We get to the fences an' Glenn pulls back the section he'd been usin' to get in an' outta the city without the geeks bein' able to follow him back to camp. Rick pauses.

"Merle first or guns?" The fuck? I can't believe he'd think of them fuckin' guns 'fore my damn brother.

"Merle! We ain't even havin' this conversation!"

"We are." He turns to Glenn an' tells him he knows the layout best, asks him what's closest.

"Merle's closest. The guns would mean doubling back. Merle first."

Least someone 'sides me's thinkin' clearly. I can't even believe they'd think we weren't goin' after him first. We make our way to that big department store. A geek walks out in fronta us once we get inside. I aim a bolt at her forehead. "You are one ugly skank."

She drops as it splits through her skull. I walk over to her, stare down at her rotted body as I yank my bolt clean outta her head. The sound it makes ain't new to me. I've gotten skull shots on animals 'fore. The scratch of the steel points against bone, the liquid sound of it slippin' through the blood, squelchin' as you tug it outta the brain. None of them sounds was new to me. For a second, I think the only thing new's the fact it's a person I just took down. As I wipe the blood of on my pants leg I remind myself that the geeks ain't people. They're no better than animals.

I run after Rick an' Glenn, T-Dogg behind me as we take the stairs. I can feel my heart racin'. Part of it's exertion. Mostly it's the adrenaline of gettin' to my only livin' flesh an' blood an' gettin' him the fuck offa that roof. We reach the chain door an' soon's T-Dogg cuts the padlock, I kick the door in.

"Merle! Merle!" I don't see him when I get on that roof. My first thought's that he's lyin' down. I see the pipe Rick musta been talkin' 'bout. I run down the steps an' stop in my tracks, nearly fallin' over. "No!"

I'm pacin' back an' forth, the blood rushes to my head an' the only sound I hear's the pulse in my ears. I look back to the others to see they look just as surprised as me. I can't get my breathin' straight, keep shoutin'. I let my brother go out on some suicide mission with a group of strangers. They handcuffed him to a roof, lost the fuckin' key. The bastards chained up the fuckin' door, left him all by hisself. I can feel the heat rise to my face, an' it ain't anger this time. My temper hasn't had a chance to catch up with my fear. They'd left my brother for dead. He'd done the only thing he could to survive.

Through the haze of tears, my eyes trail to the rusted, bloody saw. The puddle of blood. Just below the handcuff lay my brother's fuckin' severed hand. But my brother weren't nowhere to be seen. I still can't catch my breath. Just past the sound of my racin' fuckin' pulse I hear a hauntin' voice in the back of my mind. A voice that reminds me just why the two of us shoulda never gone to that fuckin' camp. We shoulda never let those assholes split us up. The ghost of Merle's voice sends a chill down my spine.

_"All, we got's each other, baby brother."_


End file.
